I don’t usually have nightmares but I had one the other night. Little wonder as I am under a bit of stress at the moment. It is 5:30AM and I am still having trouble sleeping. I hope by writing it down and trying to piece it out, I will get some relief and maybe some sleep later. Here goes…

In the dream I am living with my husband and my three youngest kids in my childhood home in St. Aug. Across the street from me is a couple who is arguing. During the dream the man kills the woman and I witness it. As I am watching I realize the man knows what I have seen. I am in my house with the kids in a back room and while I am on the phone with the 911 operator (who doesn’t seem to care for anything but gossip as she knows the guy) dismisses my call for help. The man comes over, looks in the window of the front door and starts to threaten me and the kids. Meanwhile, my husband is standing in the garden next to a tree watching it all happen.

I woke up terrified telling myself it was only a dream, it isn’t real. I still can’t sleep because while I know it isn’t real, it still bugs me and I need to figure this out.

My childhood home in St. Aug was a place with happy memories and a sense of security. Across the street was a vacant lot that allowed me to see Matanzas Bay and watch the boats if I sat on the front porch steps (which I did, a lot). The only thing I can figure is that I dreamed of a place that was secure and the murder I witnessed was my peace of mind being destroyed. When the ‘man’ realized I saw what was happening, he came to confront me and maybe destroy a ‘witness’. I don’t know why there were only three kids. (Maybe it is because the older ones are leaving home shortly). The 911 operator on the phone acted as if she knew the guy and only wanted to know what he had done this time. She didn’t mention sending any help. As the man is threatening me, I remember seeing Ben standing and wondering why he didn’t protect us. Thinking back, it seems that while it was Ben, it was a younger version of Ben. He just stood there but he had a very intense look on his face. Perhaps he wanted to help but just didn’t know what to do.

This could be a very accurate description of my life right now. Or it could be a bunch of hooey. I suppose it depends on who you ask. I hope it helps and I will give it some more thought. I have to be awake in an hour to take kids to the orthodontist as well as school shopping and go with my mother-in-law to the Y to exercise and then we may have company for dinner. One last family meal before Kelly goes to Trenton. Hopefully I will be so exhausted I will be asleep before my head hit’s the pillow. Let’s hope so.